Just PMSing. I guess I'm just going to get personal anyway?
Leave it to me to write a blog post about how I'm doubting myself, only to regret days later. I honestly blame PMS. This happens all the time, but I feel like I'm on track again, and all is well. Sometimes I just feel like my life is at a stand still. Like, everyone is so busy and successful, and I'm kind of just here, where I've been for a few years now, and I don't really know what I'm doing. And it's true that I don't really know what I'm doing, but it's alright. Things are coming along at a glacial pace right now, and it's frustrating, and it produces a lot of doubt, but I think that's just life in general?
I've spent the last few years trying and failing to get different jobs, which is the main reason I've had so much time for this blog. It's what I spend my time doing, and in a perfect world, I'd get to continue to do it full time, and survive, and not be a part of the percentage of young adults still living with their parents. So I've been trying to find at home jobs, and it hasn't been any easier. I've put my job search on hold for the next month or so, for a few reasons, but in July, I'll have to start looking again. Being a blogger doesn't mean you make money, and I actually make none from this. People say you shouldn't think about the money, but that's not realistic. Yes, I love this. I always want to create and work on this blog, but I need to live. I need to be able to live like an adult, and pay bills, and have my own home, and I have to have a car, because this is Texas, and highways separate everything. I don't necessarily want to blog for a living, but I'm always holding out hope that this space can serve as a portfolio for a job somewhere else. This job situation is a big percentage of what makes me go a bit off the deep end every once in awhile, and it's why I question what I'm even doing. But I do believe that everything will work out eventually.
I've nearly approached this topic so many times over the years, but I think I should just be honest, and maybe it'll make more sense when I make weird posts about being insecure. This is all down to the pressure I put on myself. I know others are guilty of the same thing, and maybe we should all just stop, calm down for a moment, have some wine, and persevere. I need to take my own advice. I need some wine.