I am very insecure about my creative outlets. It's very much possible that I'm just going through another phase of passing uncertainty, but I'm really struggling when it comes to sharing art on this space. My purpose starting this blog was specifically to share my work, both photo and illustration, and though it took a few months to work up the courage, it was doable, and I've been able to look back and see how much I've grown artistically in the last three years. However, the initial fear is rearing its ugly head once again. No, my blog following isn't very big, but there are still a few hundred more people looking at this blog now than there were in the beginning, and over the last year I've dealt with situations where I have to explain what I'm doing with my time, and I end up giving out my URL to extended family members and the like, and it's really not a comfortable exchange. I've stopped sharing so much on Instagram because my account has been found by former schoolmates, and though I know there's really no reason to be so cautious, it's something I can't help but feel uneasy about. My mother has always told me that I am my own worst critic, and though it's probably true, I can't help but feel that there are people out there judging harsher than even I do. This is an issue.
I want the site to double as my portfolio, with all of the ideas I can possibly come up with. I came up with one a week or so ago, an illustration series, and though I was so excited about starting it, I was panicking while wondering if it would ever see the light of day. Is it too nerdy? Is it too pretentious, or lame, or uninteresting? I don't know. I still don't know, but everything that I've mentioned above are the reasons I'm wary of sharing it. I need to be able to ignore it, but I'm afraid. It's practically stage fright. It's unnecessary, and it needs to end now. Should I dedicate an entire blog post to this insecurity? Probably not, but it's something that happens.