What Unexpected Weight Gain is Really Like


Two years ago, my weight fluctuated around the 130-140 range. For context, I am currently 22 and only 5 feet tall (I haven't grown height-wise in a decade). Throughout most of my teenage years, I thought I was hideously overweight, but around age 19/20, I was finally able to love my body and accept it for what it was. I was happy with the way I looked. However, over the last two years, I've watched my weight pile on to an upsetting 194. 


This weight gain has posted a huge road block in my life. I know that sounds dramatic. It is. With this sixty pound weight gain, I have lost most of my self confidence. I stay home when I have opportunities to go out because I don't want people to see my body. I've grown to hate taking photos of myself. Seeing myself on camera instantly ruins my mood for the day. Sometimes just seeing myself in a mirror ruins my mood. 

Most of the weight gain has been within the last year. Autumn is well and truly here, and my only coat no longer fits. Most of my dresses no longer fit in the bust, because with weight gain comes breast gain. My dresses are now so tight on my chest that my breathing is hindered. I went up four jean sizes, and only just talked myself into buying a new pair last week.


I can't even tell you how I gained so much weight. I mean, there's the obvious - I work from home and rarely leave the house. That's not healthy at all. I went through a phase of trying birth control and antidepressants, but I've been off of both for roughly a year. I've tried cutting out dairy, cutting out meat, working out. I can't seem to lost the weight.

I have to keep trying though. My body is horrible and unhealthy, and I'll continue to try to lose weight, but I can't even tell myself that my attempts will be fruitful.  I just don't know. I think I want to talk about this openly to explain a few changes I'll be making around the blog. I'm going through a bit of a personal thing, you know?

Personal style is a big part of what I do and what I'm into, so I'm trying to think of new ways to post about it here. Flatlays aren't great, but I feel uncomfortable standing in front of a DSLR, expecting one thing but seeing another. It's a work in process. I'll try something else, and I'll see what happens next week.


6 comments:

  1. I really hope you feel more at peace with your body soon Amber, if you ever need to talk please know that I'm here. Perhaps instead of looking at what you're eating right now, you could start with going for daily walks? At night, if you'd feel more comfortable that way? Not pushing at all, just wishing I could help! :(

    aglassofice.com
    x

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    1. That's actually great advice Gabrielle, thank you. It seems obvious, but I haven't thought about that. Thank you!

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  2. Amber, sending you a warm bear hug. Please don't beat yourself love, I can partially understand what you are going through. I started to have weight issues when I had thyroid and to this date, I still struggle. But trust me stressing about it will only trigger it, wish I could help you in some way but I can only provide you with company online and suggestions. Try taking a walk out in fresh air, you will feel good, trust me, just give it a lil' time to get used to it :)
    xx
    http://realgirltalks.com/

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    1. I've noticed the stress correlation. That makes sense. Thank you Ankita!

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  3. Wow, thank you for sharing this. I know this struggle all too well, and I hope you don't mind if I share my own here. I've somewhat shared this on my own blog, but really only skimmed it because it's not something I feel comfortable about either. The past 6 years I've ballooned myself. I tried to lose weight, even getting off the pill but nothing seemed to help. I only happened to learn (after seeing a different doctor for another issue and demanded I do blood tests because I have other issues with my thyroid) in the past two years that I have an under active thyroid hence all attempts (feeble or not) were in vein. I was on medication but I stopped taking it after a few weeks because it wasn't helping and I kept forgetting anyway. Since then I've been dealing with more pressing issues like anxiety so my weight and health have been on the back burner while I try to figure other stuff out. That also has added to the weight gain, coupled with severe stress. I think the latter has been more detrimental. Through this journey I realised I am a stress eater and a bit of a control freak. I also know how you feel about being uncomfortable in front of the lens. I am REALLY uncomfortable and even more unphotogenic. I don't like the way my photos turn out, I have posted them and I am ashamed to admit I've had to edit a few here and there. If I didn't I would never have posted them to begin with because I just don't like the way I look either. I do look forward to the day when I can feel happy enough to post as is and not feel that same sense of shame. It's a work in progress I guess. I have an amazing friend who helps me take photos. We joke around a lot which helps. I wish I felt even more comfortable with taking my camera and tripod out and doing my own photos out around town. But I am no where near comfortable doing that just yet. I get way to anxious just thinking about it.

    Sxx
    www.daringcoco.com

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    1. I don't mind at all Sonia! You've clearly had a lot to deal with. I hope you're able to sort some things out soon, if only for your own peace of mind. Don't feel guilty for editing a few photos. Everyone does it, let's be real. Everything is a work in progress. I'm definitely not comfortable enough for that either. Here's to both of us - may our self-confidence skyrocket in 2018!

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